Friday Fictioneers – Flash Fiction

My first flash fiction attempt for the Friday Fictioneers using the photo prompt.  I’ve not quite stuck to the 100 word limit but close!

The key in her hand suddenly felt heavy as she looked around the dark, empty hallway.  She had never intended to return so soon after running away but here she was.  A moth flitted against the one window of the staircase beating against the pane.  Like her it wanted to escape.  Like her it seemed it never would.  Unwanted memories of the life she’d tried to leave flooded back.  This time though she’d had a choice.  It might not have been much of a choice but it had been hers.  Whether she’d wanted it or not it seemed that now she would be forced to put down roots at last.

http://madisonwoods.wordpress.com/2012/01/11/photo-prompt-for-100-word-flash-fridayfictioneers-12/#comments

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8 Responses to Friday Fictioneers – Flash Fiction

  1. Joe Lerner says:

    Good piece, and welcome! (This is my second week so I’ve earned the right to call you a newbie!) It has psychological depth, which is unusual for a piece this short.

    (My contribution this week can be found here: http://joelerner.blogspot.com/2012/01/david-and-goliath.html)

    • loustar02 says:

      Wow, thanks. I just had an instant feeling of how I wanted this to go but really pleased it came over ok. I’ll be checking out your piece pronto!

  2. susielindau says:

    Very nice! It could be the opening paragraph to a novel!

  3. parul says:

    An inner turmoil that perhaps everyone goes through at one point in time or another, when it dawns on them “this is it”.
    I like the play of words too! Welcome to the club! 🙂
    Here’s mine:
    http://faitaccompli.wordpress.com/2012/01/15/when-the-going-gets-tough/

  4. pattisj says:

    Good job on this. You make it look easy to tell a story in so few words.

  5. May I to share with you something I’m learning (I’m on a less-is-more “writing diet” – trying to trim the excess from my writing).
    You have a wonderful image and metaphor in “A moth flitted against the one window of the staircase beating against the pane.” That is so perfect because it provides an image for the reader of how the character feels. Your message is sent home with a wallop. But by adding “Like her it wanted to escape. Like her it seemed it never would” you’re actually diminishing its power. The reader got that message with the image, only more subtly. Your beautiful metaphor forced the reader to react, to participate and make a mental connection in order to get the subtle message you were sending. I’ll bet by deleting those two sentences, it’ll be more powerful. Great work. I look forward to seeing more of your writing.
    p.s. the heavy key is another wonderful metaphor!

    • loustar02 says:

      Great tip, thanks. I’m trying to cut back on the excess too so any time you spot something please feel free to point it out. Thanks for sharing what you are learning. It makes a huge difference to have helpful feedback!

      Look forward to reading more of yours too.

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