Past Present (A Friday Fictioneers post)

Wisconsin (by Susie Lindau)

Alice looked nervously at her watch.  Was he coming?  He was already 15 minutes late.  Maybe he’d changed his mind.  Not that she would have blamed him.  In his shoes she probably wouldn’t have come either.  But then she would never have ended up in his shoes.

She paced the walkway, glancing at the clock .  Was it her after all?  For years she’d fought feelings of blame and now, when she thought she’d dealt with them for good, the creeping doubts were threatening her again.

She glanced at her watch again.  Time was up.  It was over.  She turned to pick up her bag.

“Hello, Alice”  He said.

[Photograph writing prompt taken from: http://susielindau.com/2012/01/17/photo-prompt-for-100-word-flash-friday-fictioneers/#more-1673 ]

http://madisonwoods.wordpress.com/flash-fiction/january-20th-2012-100words/

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28 Responses to Past Present (A Friday Fictioneers post)

  1. susielindau says:

    Great story! It has me wondering what the blame was about…

  2. elmowrites says:

    Great story! I think you could have ramped up the tension even more, but I certainly felt her fear that he wouldn’t come. I wonder who they were and what it was all about!

  3. parul says:

    The ending brought a smile… 🙂
    I didn’t quite figure out the whys for her doubts… perhaps you should expand this… this would make a very interesting read!

  4. I liked that we have no idea why she was blaming herself. Personally, I don’t think stories should spell everything out for readers. Nice job.

    • loustar02 says:

      Thanks Craig. I wanted to make it a bit mysterious – give the reader the chance to use their own imagination too. Really pleased you liked it.

  5. I’m not sure, but my interpretation is that this is a reunion of former lovers. They’ve moved on, but are still attracted. Happy to have a happy ending.
    Here’s mine: http://bridges are for burning.wordpress.com/

    • loustar02 says:

      It is an interesting interpretation but it would be telling to say one way or the other. Thanks for taking the time to read and comment.

  6. Siobhan Muir says:

    Ah, the manipulation continues. Well done. Hopefully, she’ll leave his butt in the dust when she realizes she’s worth more. 🙂

  7. John Hardy Bell says:

    Nice story. Left with me with a lot of questions; the kind that made me want to read a lot more!

    Well done.

  8. You left me wanting for more. I can’t help but wonder what happened…and what will happen. The title was very telling as well. Thank you for sharing.

    ~Susan (http://www.susanwenzel.com/)

    • loustar02 says:

      Thanks for the comments Susan – pleased you enjoyed reading it. I was almost struggling with a title when it suddenly popped into my head.

  9. eliserae says:

    *creeper alert*

    Does this gentlemen by chance own a hat shop? Just curios.

    Awesome tension in the scene. Well played!

  10. Nicely recreated real life jitters and self-doubt.

    Here’s mine:http://wp.me/p1Tjpv-8y

  11. Shall there be blame for one? for both? or shall there be reconciliation? Lots of potential. 🙂

    Here’s my entry: http://wp.me/p24aJS-1P

  12. Quill Shiv says:

    I wonder what “shoes” he was in? The thing I love about the drabbles are being left with questions. This is an intriguing one. Well done!

    This is my contribution for the week: http://quillshiv.wordpress.com/2012/01/20/shrouds/

  13. 1smiles says:

    It seems we all have these fears and doubts. And often they are unnecessary. Very well written.

  14. dmmacilroy says:

    Dear Loustar,

    We blame ourselves because we know the recesses of our minds better than anyone else ever can. Your story captured the fear and sense of inadequacy and loss of someone who trusts, and hopes against all odds that they will find happiness. And the rapturous joy they experience when they do.

    Aloha,

    Doug

    http://ironwoodwind.wordpress.com/2012/01/20/connection/

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