Painful partings (A Friday Fictioneers post)

Flash Fiction based on a photograph prompt?  A truly excellent idea.  Here is my attempt for this week based on the photo below.

Painful Partings

The boy threw another stone. 

“It’s not fair, Dad.”

“Well, you’d better get used to it.  Life isn’t fair.”

The boy huffed and threw another.  Harder this time.

“You don’t even care.”

He stuffed his hands in his pockets watching the man pacing on the platform.  He didn’t really know him.  This man pretending to be his Dad was only a stranger he didn’t care two hoots about. 

“Why can’t I come too, Dad?”

“You just can’t, Jack.  I can’t keep you safe.  We’re risking that they’ll find you even now – you shouldn’t have come.”  He ruffled the Boy’s hair.  “I’ll see you soon though, kiddo.”

“That’s it – cut!  Good work lads.  Take a break and we’ll move onto the next scene”

The boy shrugged out of Jack’s coat and walked past the director.

“Can I get a drink now?”

[Photograph writing prompt taken from: http://madisonwoods.wordpress.com/flash-fiction/first-contact/ ]

Advertisements
This entry was posted in Writing and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

28 Responses to Painful partings (A Friday Fictioneers post)

  1. susielindau says:

    I love it! What a great twist and all that drama! Hahaha! Excellent!

    Here is mine. You are welcome to leave a link in my comment section as well.
    http://susielindau.com/2012/01/27/just-another-day-100-word-flash-fiction/

  2. Judee says:

    What I liked best was where it shows the inner dialogue “the man pretending to be his Dad” and in the end, it’s true, it’s all a movie. Nice job. 🙂

  3. Mike says:

    I enjoyed this.
    Almost a story within a story. First you had me wondering what danger they were in. Then it turns out to be a film set & I’m then wondering what’s the film, who is who …….
    A great read. Thanks.

    • loustar02 says:

      Thanks for stopping by. I’m glad it hooked you in nicely. I wanted to build something in with a different angle and really enjoyed writing it.

  4. 1smiles says:

    Wonderful writing.. pulled me right in and I was surprised at the ending.

  5. Good job of creating different levels of reality in very few words. Good imagining!
    Here’s mine: http://bridgesareforburning.wordpress.com/

  6. kbnelson says:

    That was just…Fun! Thanks for that!
    Here’s my Friday bit:
    http://kbnelson.wordpress.com/2012/01/27/friday-flash-drip/

  7. The Lime says:

    That’s a fantastic rendition of the scene. It feels just like a snippet of reality — success! Thanks for linking up.

    Looks like you already made it to mine 🙂 Thanks!

  8. John Hardy Bell says:

    I was thrown for a major loop at the end and I loved it! Great idea telling a story within a story, and the ending just flat out made me laugh! I could so see that happening!

    Perfect

    • loustar02 says:

      Wow – thanks John for your very kind comments. I’m really pleased you enjoyed it so much. Thanks for taking the time to have a read of it.

  9. Great imagination. You did a nice job leading up to the surprise ending.

    Here’s mine:
    http://wp.me/p1Tjpv-8I

  10. Well that was a surprise! Nice dialogue – and it could have been a real scene – the boy seemed real. I was imagining all kinds of wicked scenarios….

    • loustar02 says:

      Thanks. So pleased the surprise worked. I’d tried to ensure the tension was there without giving away the ending. I imagined all kinds of scenarios as well – perhaps that is why it worked!

  11. Jake Kale says:

    I was once an extra in a kids show at school. We spent all day hanging around, then had to pretend to laugh at some idiot dressed like a dog in the assembly hall. I can completely see where this kid is coming from!

    Here’s mine, inspired by a totally different picture of my own making.
    http://jaykayel.wordpress.com/2012/01/27/my-first-time-100-word-flash-fiction/

  12. Stacey says:

    That was great! Very impressed 🙂

  13. Madison Woods says:

    What a very unique take on the prompt. I enjoyed that! Thanks for joining us and I hope to see you back again next week 🙂

  14. dmmacilroy says:

    Dear Loustar,

    Another great take on the prompt. You really captured the boy’s ennui. Well done.

    Aloha,

    Doug

    http://ironwoodwind.wordpress.com/

  15. Jan Morrill says:

    A story within a story, and in the end, it’s all pretend. Very clever!

  16. Robin Hawke says:

    I liked the director calling the father a lad…enjoyed every word, Robin

  17. Quill Shiv says:

    Perfect! I’d never have thought of a movie set. I love what everyone has been doing with this prompt. The part of this one I liked the most was when the boy practically removed the skin of Jack to reveal who he (and what reality) really was.

    Wonderful work!

    The link to my drabble is here: http://quillshiv.wordpress.com/2012/01/26/grounds/

    • loustar02 says:

      Thanks for the lovely comments. I really enjoyed writing this one. The boy just came to life for me almost immediately and it just sort of rolled on from there.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s