That wasn’t supposed to happen (Inspiration Monday)

Here is my “almost too late” Inspiration Monday post from last week.  This one flew out onto the keyboard so hope it is up to standard!

That wasn’t supposed to happen

Her heart pounded hard as her feet slapped against the pavement.  Her whole body ached with the effort, but she pressed on.

“Please let me catch him!”

The thought repeated like a recorded message round her mind forcing her on through the crowds of evening commuters.  Figures clad in black muttered and shouted at her as her red coat flew down the street oblivious to them or their cares.  A flash of colour in their bleak world of paper-shuffling.  She had but one thought: she had to catch him before he left the office and she was running out of time.

All month he’d been talking about the discovery he’d made.  She had been so excited for him.  It was everything he had hoped for and all that he had dreamed of his whole life and suddenly it was right there in front of him.  Success had finally come knocking.  Then the calls had started.  She had ignored the first couple as just incidents in a normal life but then the number increased.  The voices had grown more intense, the murmurings had turned into clear threats against her, against him.  He had brushed it off as he always did and told her there was nothing to worry about.  It was probably just some colleague trying to dampen his enthusiasm.  She had tried to put it to the back of her mind but she knew that something wasn’t right.  Then, this afternoon, she’d got home from work early to find a package on the doorstep.  She’d thought nothing of it until the contents were revealed.  She was only glad she had a strong stomach or she would have thrown up instantly.  It was the accompanying note that had made it clear to her that Alex had to be warned.  He could not go ahead with the press announcement over the dinner tonight.  She had to reach him before they did.  And so she ran.

She pelted down the side street hoping to cut off the corner, nearly slipping on the wet manhole cover, as she flew across the street.  She turned the corner back onto the main road, desperation now tearing at her throat as she frantically forced one foot in front of the other.  She was so close now.

She never saw the bus that matched her coat boring down on her as she ran straight out into the road.  She never heard the sirens announcing her fate.  It was over.

*

Alex stepped up to the podium as the cameras flashed.

“Ladies and gentlemen…”

 

Prompt taken from (but not actually quoted in the story this time):

http://bekindrewrite.net/2012/02/06/inspiration-monday-try-not-to-scream/

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21 Responses to That wasn’t supposed to happen (Inspiration Monday)

  1. Mysterious and really fast-paced. It almost felt like we were running along beside her. Nicely done!

  2. Judee says:

    Wonderful writing, my heart beat faster and faster ans the pace picked up. Love how you ended it.

    • loustar02 says:

      Thanks for taking time to read it and post your thoughts. So pleased that the action came across in the same way I felt when I wrote it (sorry for the poor construction in the comments though!)

  3. Maxi says:

    This tale gives new meaning to the phrase: No good deed goes unpunished…

    Blessings – Maxi

    • loustar02 says:

      Thanks for the comments. I’d started out knowing she was going to go under a bus but I wanted her to be the innocent. As you say, her good deed might not have been the best answer for her in the end!

  4. I don’t know how you do it, but you have a real gift for gripping fiction.

  5. 1smiles says:

    Very griping!

  6. lynnette-net says:

    Very intense and lovely! Thank you for stopping by my blog and giving comments 🙂

  7. My reaction at the end was “Nooo!”

    Very effective piece of writing. Had me gripped.

    • loustar02 says:

      Thanks for the fantastic response. My first thought in reading your post was: “Good”. Very pleased it built up enough to keep you interested and get you caring about the character. Bit annoying that I killed her off though – no chance to use her again now!

  8. Pingback: Inspiration Monday: pretend you don’t notice « BeKindRewrite

  9. bearrunner says:

    The physio will get you back up, on the go and stronger than ever!

    Cheers

  10. Loved it! I was thinking she should have read my blog today. lol

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